Who is your wife and who is your son?


We were totally unprepared for my mother’s death. It was like a tsunami that hit us during a happy period and the whole family was thrown off course. We are picking up the bits and pieces and we do not know how long it will take for us to be back on track.

Sometimes, my mother wanted to discuss her death with me. My common reply was, “I shall not think or discuss on this matter till you cross 80 years of age”.

A few months back she was insistent and told me she does have something to discuss on her own death. Initially, I avoided and tried to change the subject but she was adamant. So to humor her I listened to what she said.

Her first wish was we should take proper and good care of my father. She would tell me, “Do not think that spending a lot of money you can buy a thing called - care”. Her wish was that we should keep my father happy and functioning. “Never treat him like he is a burden”, was her directive.

She secondly told me, “Follow the religious norms as necessitated by our Hindu religion but do not torture yourself with harsh fasts or any other physically harsh ceremony”.

The last warning was for me. She said, “Feeling sad or pained is normal, but do not become desolate. Do not let my death make you lose your interest in life. Accept the truth of death like I do – with calmness and dignity and walk on forward”.

I listened to her advice seriously but I was sure she will survive for a long time.

A few days afterward she wrote something on a piece of paper and told me to keep it with me. It was a “Sloka” by Adi Sankaracharya a holy man who my father admired and whose verses he used to quote sometimes. I kept the slip of paper in my wallet and forgot all about it.

I reopened it recently while checking my wallet.

A rough translation is as follows:

Who is your wife and who is your son?
The world is far more multifaceted than your realization
Who are you and where do you come from
Have you ever ruminated on this?

Be not be arrogant of your money, power, and youth
Time will wipe off all traces of these.

However, the limited interactions
That you had with good people
Only those memories will remain with you
In your last and final journey.

Although life is continuing for all of us and the dull pain remains.


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