Escapades of a PSU Executive - The sales promotion scheme

Escapades of a PSU Executive – V

This is an imaginary series of the experiences of an idiotic PSU executive, working in a ‘Global fortune 500’ company. Please note that any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

The sales promotion scheme

This incident happened a few years back when the Idiot was a DO Manager. It so happened that one top Honcho of Teliya Oil was visiting Guwahati. Let us call him Mogambo (Name changed). The moment the message flashed, the whole office and even the higher office became hyperactive like a hornet’s nest disturbed by something.

An emergency meeting was held in the State Office (Higher office) where Mogambo’s program was planned and debated and finalized. The Idiot’s role was to launch a sales promotion scheme in one of the prime Retail Outlets of Guwahati during the visit of Mogambo.

After a lot of discussions, the basic framework of the Sales Promotion Scheme was finalized. The scheme, in short, will be like this – Every customer who buys fuel worth more than Rs 5000/- in a month will get a half kg packet of “Shakti Bhog Chakki Ata”. Any customer who buys fuel worth more than Rs 10000/- in a month will get a one kg packet of “Shakti Bhog Diabetes Cure Ata”.

However, to bring some zing into the scheme it was decided that the packet of Ata i.e Flour will be gift wrapped in a jute bag. This was the brilliant idea of a fast tract officer who said it will convey our love for the environment to Mogambo.

Another officer gave a further brilliant idea – He said the jute packet in addition to having the logo of Teliya Oil Company should also have a socially relevant message. After a lot of discussions, the following message was decided to be printed on the jute bag – “Love the girl child”. The message will be in both Hindi and English.

Other programs of Mogambo were decided in details with minute by minute planning with clear responsibilities.

On the D Day, everything was ready in the Retail outlet. Banners were placed in crucial areas, the RO was spruced up with cleaning and mild painting, staff uniform was checked and cross-checked and general housekeeping was developed. Additionally, the dealer’s brother-in-law stayed as a standby customer to accept the first packet of “Shakti Bhog Chakki Ata’ from the noble hands of Mogambo.

The Idiot worked in the Retail Outlet since morning. He worked like a man possessed and checked and cross-checked everything. One hour before the expected start of the program he was confident that nothing can go wrong. And then all hell broke loose.

Forty minutes before Mogambo was supposed to reach the RO, the Idiot got a phone call from his Boss (Lambu) who said there will be an additional program – Mogambo will also plant a tree. Now Tree Plantation was not in the planning and the Idiot tried to dissuade Lambu. However, Lambu was adamant and said it is an order from higher-ups and he does not have anything much to do. After that, he cut off the telephone conversation.

Again, the whole planning was restarted. Firstly a checklist was made as follows:

1. One small signboard to be put near the newly planted tree.
2. Small Flex Printed sign with the words – “Tree Planted by Mogambo on….”
3. One watering can
4. One trowel (Khanti in Hindi)
5. One big pan to keep the loose soil (Which will be pushed by Mogambo into the newly planted tree)
6. One digging equipment to dig a hole for the plant.
7. Dettol Soap and towel
8. Clean water to wash the noble hands of Mogambo after the tree plantation ceremony.

Although a few of the types of equipment were available in the RO, the Idiot ordered all new purchase and the reluctant dealer sent someone and arranged everything quickly.

By the time everything was readied only 15 minutes remained for the arrival of Mogambo. The Idiot located a suitable place for the tree plantation ceremony.

All throughout this time, something was happening to the Idiot. A red light was blinking in his head – as if he has missed something. Ten minutes before the entry of Mogambo he suddenly realized what he has missed. He looked at the dealer in panic and shouted in agony – “WHERE IS THE BLOODY Tree?”

In fact, everything was ready but for the tree. The dealer looked like someone who had a sudden tummy ache. He immediately shouted at a customer attendant to rush to Rajdhani Nursery and bring a plant. The customer attendant (Who was a good fellow) started sprinting towards his scooter like an Olympic athlete. Starting his scooter he dashed off with another CA pillion riding – both without helmets.

However, the Idiot realised that it will be too late. Rajdhani nursery is 5 KMs away and Mogambo’s vehicle is stuck up in a traffic jam 3 KMs away. He rang up the driver of Mogambo’s vehicle and told him to drive slowly.

For two minutes the Idiot had a sinking feeling. In his mind’s eye, he saw himself jobless roaming the streets of Guwahati and coming home in the late night to find his wife and children hungry for lack of food.

Listlessly he stared at the road for the arrival of Mogambo and the consequences he will have to face for the mistake. And then God helped him. A solution to the problem glinted in his mind.

A few weeks before, the social forestry department has planted some trees in the divider of the road in front of the RO. Calling three CA’s, he dashed off to the divider in the middle of the road. Initially, the CA’s were flabbergasted – but when they saw him attempting to uproot a young tree they got the gist of the idea. All four heaved and hawed but the tree refused to be parted from the ground with whom its roots had fallen in love.

After a superhuman struggle like Hercules, together with all four somehow managed to uproot the tree and bring it to the RO premises. It was just in the nick of time for Mogambo’s convoy rolled in as they took the tree near the planting point.

With a tired but satisfied feeling, he watched from the sidelines while all the senior officials tried to impress Mogambo. Mogambo was particularly impressed by the idea of the jute bag and “Love the Girl Child” message and congratulated the senior officials.

After that, the Dealer’s brother-in-law was introduced as a bonafide loyal customer. This gentleman, who was a nice fellow made all the right noises of how good the Q&Q of Teliya Oil Fuel is. He took his packet of “Shakti Bhog Chakki Ata” and left the premises after saying goodbye.

Mogambo who was in a good mood had a cup of tea and biscuits and left for the Airport and the tired Idiot left for his home.

Reaching home he realized that he has left his notebook in the RO. He decided to go back for his notebook and then come home and relax.

What he saw in the RO was amazing. The beautiful banner of the sales promotion scheme was removed and every CA and some other people of the RO were literally fighting with one another for a packet of “Shakti Bhog Chakki Ata” and the dealer was watching with an indulgent smile.

Seeing the Idiot the people stopped fighting temporarily and the situation somewhat cooled down. One audacious fellow even offered two packets of “Shakti Bhog Chakki Ata” to the Idiot which the Idiot politely declined.

The Idiot wanted to give a dressing down to the dealer and his people for killing the sales promotion scheme so quickly – but he was dog tired by then. He also realized that even if he gives a dressing down the overall situation will not change.

The sales promotion scheme was are basically to bolster the ego of Mogambo and it succeeded. The second plan was to curry some favour and get some good marks in the Annual Performance Appraisal for the senior officers and even that succeeded. The customer is actually incidental to the whole plan. If after the whole song and dance ended, if a few poor customer attendants carry home a few packets of “Shakti Bhog Chakki Ata” – what’s wrong with that? Let everyone enjoy  

So he made a dignified retreat from the RO and coming home relaxed with his child and wife.